


Kinda alright

by ozbian



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-15 23:50:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16073969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ozbian/pseuds/ozbian
Summary: Caduceus Clay character study / aftermath of episode 35





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Non-graphic body disposal

Caduceus feels large, strong hands wrap around his own and Yasha hauls him up, out of the unfriendly water and onto the dead wooden deck of the ship. 

Caduceus hears Beau demand to know who he is, and he remembers that he is wearing the form of an elderly human fisherman he picked up in the city the previous day. It would be polite to respond to Beau directly, but Caduceus has left his words somewhere behind him in the water, and Beau is a person who sometimes makes hasty decisions. 

So he returns to his normal form, blinks the water out of his eyes and pushes the hair back out of his face. 

Looking around, he sees that Fjord is bloodied and shaky, and close to returning home. He casts Healing Word, and the effect is less than Caduceus would like, but enough that Fjord won't be leaving immediately. 

The others seem in reasonable shape, Beau, Yasha, Nott, Caleb, Jester, Sprinkles and their guest Marius. Professor Thaddeus hasn't arrived yet, but Caduceus figures he'll come if he wants to. He's not like Caduceus, who needs to stay with these people but was almost left behind. 

The Professor probably wouldn't like the ocean anyway. 

Caduceus sees Jester walking down below the deck, and hears her trying to talk sense to someone who sounds unwilling, and he can see Caleb moving to back her up.

He feels the ship move below his feet, and his legs shake slightly. He sits down on the deck, back against the railing, and focuses on preparing a Prayer of Healing. 

The deck still moves below him, and he is reminded of the woods when he was young, sitting in large trees rocked by the wind, when he was small enough to lie across a branch without hanging off the edge, and also of the more recent woods, a corpse unwillingly repurposed to another's will, further from the Mother than he would like. 

Caduceus closes his eyes, rubs his palms against the wood, feels the grain and the delayed but inevitable decay, and concentrates on his connection to the Mother. 

When Jester returns, he casts Prayer of Healing wide, and he feels the energy leave him, more than last time, good. 

The others appear to stand straighter and Fjord moves a bit easier as he deals with the ropes and the sails and gives directions. 

Caduceus stands, and shivers as the wind catches at his wet fur. He watches as the lights of Nicodramas fall away into the distance, leaving them with starlight and moonlight falling from above and rising from the surface of the water below. It's beautiful, and frightening. 

The ground feels far away, and he takes his time walking around, getting used to how the ship moves. He does what Fjord tells him to, adding his strength to Beau's and occasionally Caleb's while Yasha and Jester each work independently on the ropes. 

Eventually Fjord decides they are far enough out, and he ties the wheel down so the boat keeps moving, and they get to talking to the new guest. 

Marius seems scared, and seems the type to say what you want to hear in the moment to keep things smooth, but he's not going to cause any trouble for now. 

Caduceus goes down the stairs below the deck, to see what's there to see. 

The body of a man lies against the stairs.

Caduceus looks at him. 

The Mother should be able to reach anywhere, as death and decay are part of her domain. 

This place does not seem right for growing, but a man being a bit unreasonable about things is no reason to delay his return to the Mother.

Caduceus remembers that the small lakes and creeks of home all had cycles of their own, even in the corrupted woods. 

There were plants in the water where he, Fjord and Caleb swam before meeting the Ruby, and birds who caught fish from the water (and in turn were caught by Nott the Brave). There were also those creatures that swam under him near the dock, who had seemed a bit hopeful about helping Caduceus move on.

Caduceus lifts the man with care, grunting a bit at the weight, and slowly, carefully takes the stairs up to the deck. 

There is more light now, dim globes of magic floating below the level of the railing. 

Caduceus walks slowly, carefully to the side of the ship and looks down. 

The stars are wavering softly under the ship. The light of the Mother's Tower is very far away. Very far. He cannot smell the earth. The scent is swallowed up by water and salt. 

He is swallowed up, and unable to reach. Salt and water, under his feet, in his mouth, in his nose, in his lungs.

Nothing grows in salt. 

Caduceus breathes, and tells himself that they will all be able to take a long rest soon, and allows himself to use one of his few remaining spell slots. 

Caduceus casts Calm Person under his breath, and blinks slowly, and continues steady. 

He lays the man down next to the gap in the railing,  
then looks over to Fjord, waiting patiently for a moment to speak. 

The moment comes after Marius has been gagged again, and Beau has realised that her friend Thaddeus has chosen not to accompany them, and Fjord starts to walk back toward the tied down wheel. 

"If we could stop for awhile, I'd like to lay this fella down," he gestures to the man at his feet, "and I think we could all do with a rest, maybe a meal."

Fjord looks over at Caduceus with a slight frown, takes a good long look at the man at his feet, tenses up and then does a scan of the ship. "Where did that one come from?"

Jester says, "He was inside the ship and Caleb said he was trying to burn things and I didn't really want to kill him but he wouldn't listen so I had to hit him and some people take an axe to the head better than others I guess."

Fjord sighs. "I'd rather keep going. But we're out far enough that we should be alright to 'stop' for a short rest." He scratches at a tusk, then stops himself. "In a few days I might be able to teach some of you to man the ship well enough so we can keep going while I sleep, but that's more of a long term thing."

"We did just steal a ship," Beau says, frowning, then laughs. "Holy shit, we just stole a ship!"

Jester cocks her head to the side. "Does that make us pirates now?" she asks hopefully. 

"I hope not," Nott frowns with worry. "People were already pretty eager to hang me."

"I get the feeling the former owners weren't on the up and up," Beau continues. "They probably won't want the authorities asking too many questions."

"But you would get to wear all sorts of shiny things, and lots of necklaces, and earrings, and a cool hat, and a pretty bird would sit on your shoulder, and you would get to drink A LOT and sing with your friends, and you could call yourself 'Nott the Terror of the Eleven Seas' and people would underestimate you!"

Caleb frowns. "But they will already be asking questions. And if we are found with this boat then the authorities will probably hold us responsible for anything it's former owners may have done." He scratches at his head. "I might have something that can help with the hiding, but I would need to sleep on it."

"Okay," Fjord says, and proceeds to give orders that result in the boat gradually slowing down before finally seeming to stop, bobbing gently in the water. 

Caduceus waits, and helps when required, and doesn't think too much about anything until he notices Nott approaching with cautious steps and standing behind him. 

"Don't turn him into tea yet," Nott says. "I haven't checked him for shiny things." She pauses for a moment, glances up at the others, then looks at him from the corner of her eyes. "Or uh ... clues. I haven't checked him for clues." 

Caduceus figures that taking things from the dead is just another cycle. Sometimes it helps the people left behind to know that something special has gone in the ground with them, but otherwise he thinks it's better for someone to get some use out of it. 

Caduceus looks at how Nott looks at him, out of the corner of her eye, and says to her, "The Mother doesn't mind. She's not going to use those things anytime soon. They take a long while to digest." He smiles at her. "She'll get it back in the end, but you might as well use it in the meantime."

"Okay, Mr Clay?" says Nott, who sounds uncertain and looks thoughtful but mildly creeped out.

However when Caduceus steps back, Nott begins an efficient search of the man, careful to keep away from the ship's edge, pulling out various coloured coins and some paper, and snipping some buttons free from his jacket. 

Nott mutters to herself for a moment, squints at the paper, says "All yours," and walks off in Caleb's direction. 

Caduceus stands over the man for a little while longer, considering how best to do this, and waiting to see if Jester wants to follow up on the occasional glances she sends in this direction.

But Jester starts to follow Fjord around, and ask him what all of the things are called, barely leaving Fjord space to answer, or herself space to think. 

Caduceus nods to himself, and moves on with things. 

He arranges the man so that the arms hang over the side of the ship, then lowers himself into the water. 

He reaches up, grasps a dangling hand, and carefully pulls the man in after him. 

He swims out, away from the boat, towing the man after him. 

There are some calls from the boat, but no one follows him in, which is just as well.

He goes as far as he can, knowing that some of his companions have very keen sight, and not knowing what method the Mother would use to reclaim the man out here. Some methods of reclamation are dangerous to the living, and some things it isn't necessary for others to see. 

He arranges things so that he is as far away from the man as is possible while still allowing their fingers to graze. 

He closes his eyes, breathes, and casts Decompose. 

It takes a few tries, and the cold of the water seems to fight against it taking root, but eventually he feels the cantrip take hold. 

He swims clear, and watches. 

It's a slow process, involving sea creatures large and small, and less fungi than he's used to, but eventually, the Mother reclaims everything except the bones, which sink down out of sight. 

It's good, to know that the Mother can reach even out here.

"Mr Clay, are you still alive? Fjord's stripping, and he's our only sailor. I'd rather he not get eaten by a sea monster too. Youcanreplytothismessage."

"No," he replies after a moment, slowly, feeling out each word as he says it. "I haven't been eaten. I'm coming back to the ship now."

Yasha is there to pull him from the ocean again. 

Fjord says, "Next time, how about we just throw them overboard? Save you swimming with a corpse in shark-infested waters."

"It's god stuff, Fjord," Jester says with a roll of her eyes. "Sometimes gods make you do stupid things. Well, except the Traveller, he lets me do fun things, but other gods make people do stupid things all the time."

Yasha has a look in her eyes like she understands. She pats him once on the back and walks away, and he rocks forward with the movement. 

Beau says, "I wouldn't know about god stuff, and I'm generally on board with just throwing corpses overboard, but I don't think you're in a place to judge, Fjord, with the thing floating around in your belly right now."

The argument eventually drags everyone in, and then turns into a discussion about where they will go next. 

Caduceus smiles at them, and when their attention is turned back to each other, he wanders back down under the deck. 

He can feel himself start to shiver again, and tells himself that a long rest isn't far away. 

There should be food here somewhere, and everyone would be hungry soon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (needed to get this out before it gets jossed tonight lol)

Clay hunches over in the ship’s galley, taking care to enjoy the warmth of the stove as it dries his damp fur. There’s enough food in the galley for a few good meals, so he makes sure to use plenty. They’d had two hard fights, with little rest. Everyone would be hungry.

  
Above, he hears the crack of taught rope and wind on fabric. The hurried stomps (Fjord /Beau /Yasha) and skip (Jester) of boots on wood sound overhead. Elsewhere below the deck is the rustle of Caleb and maybe Nott foraging through the things left behind by the departed.

  
It’s an interesting set up, the galley. He takes his time to work it out, focusing his attention on that task and moving around the small space without hitting his head while the back of his mind works on other things.

  
He reaches into a pouch and adds a sprinkle of Anglais and Heatherford to the pot. He wonders how they’re getting along with Nila and her family.

  
There is a line of cold down his back, and he shivers a bit, shaking loose a few more drops of water from his hair.

  
Soon the air is full of good smells. He breathes in the scent. It reminds him of warmth and safety, and his last meal with his last sister. It’s a good memory, worn down smooth by repeated remembering.

  
Eventually Clay hears someone speaking nearby, and turns to the entrance to see Fjord poking his head through the entrance, looking at him.

  
Clay looks back at Fjord, blinking as he comes back into the present. Time feels a little slow right now.

  
Fjord still looks a little rough. He really needs to rest and heal some more.

  
“Uh,” says Fjord, after a few breaths of time have passed. “I was just wondering if there is anything I can do to help.”

  
Beau appears in the doorway next to him. “Yeah,” she says, following Fjord’s lead. “I mean, I’m not much of a cook but I can definitely cut the fuck out of anything you need cut up.”

  
Clay looks at them. Fjord’s hoping he’ll say no and feeling guilty about it, and Beau is still a wolf trying to learn how to swim by watching a fish.

  
Clay obliges, and shakes his head slowly. “Oh no, I’m fine,” he says, “There’s only just enough room in here for me anyway. But thank you.”

  
They withdraw, and Clay turns back to his work.

  
The ship has taken on a steadier slow roll, and Clay can hear the others start to gather in a neighbouring room. He can hear the odd, disjointed conversation of people a bit addled by tiredness.

  
The food is almost ready.

  
There’s a lot of plates in here. Too many plates for the number of people they have, and the number of people that were here before. Clay wonders if the Wildmother Is expecting more guests.

  
But then, She isn’t one to leave predictable signs, and She did already use a similar one to send him out of the temple. Clay is mostly sure it was a sign. Nila and Keg muddied things a little, but that path had led him to the death of that unnatural creature in the basement after all.

  
Now here’s a question. If a sign is too predictable, then the Wildmother using it would be unpredictable, wouldn’t it. Huh.  
Maybe he should keep an eye out for another group of interesting people. It might be time for him to be moving on anyway. Maybe.  
There’s things that Clay needs to do before he goes home to Mother, and as much as he likes these people, he’s not sure that they’re headed in the same direction. He’s just not sure.

  
Clay takes a breath and focuses on the smell, crowding out the thoughts of paths not yet open. This is what he can do for now, and what is necessary at the moment.

  
He brings the food out into the long, thin room where the others have settled. There’s papers and items set out in a circle around Caleb near the far wall, barely visible behind rows of hammocks strung up across the width of the room. Beau is on a hammock, lying down with her hands behind her head, staring up at the ceiling. In another hammock Jester is sitting upright and absently swinging, watching Fjord out of the corner of her eye. Fjord is sitting on a wooden crate, leaning against the wall next to Jester’s hammock, staring at the party’s map.

  
Clay places the food out on a large overturned crate, and accepts their thanks with a nod and a smile and an, “It’s fine,” “It’s no bother,” “Oh no, I like cooking. Making life from death really speaks to me,” and “Oh no. No, I wouldn’t poison anyone who hasn’t asked.”

  
Once everyone has started eating, Clay wanders back through the galley and picks up another two plates, then walks up the stairs to the ship’s deck.

  
The wind is serrated, digging into his unprotected ears and nose. He flicks his ears a little.

  
Yasha is on watch. She is staring outwards, scanning the invisible horizon, and turns to face him as he approaches.

  
Clay hands her a bowl.

  
“Thank you,” she says gravely, as she cups her hand around its warmth and takes a sip.

  
“It’s good,” she says after a moment. “Dead people?”

  
Clay nods. “Oh, yeah. Lucille and Vestrid have always made great seasonings.”

  
“Cool,” she says, and takes another drink.  
They stand there for awhile.

  
Yasha is good at silence. It’s kind of nice.  
“You’re good at silence,” he says. “It’s kind of nice.”

  
Yasha continues scanning. “Thank you,” she says. “Uh. I just don’t have anything to be said right now.”

  
She is not easy to get a handle on. But she’s standing far away from the mast, and her steady, constant scan of their surroundings seems to falter a bit when it falls into her sight.

  
It really hasn’t been that long since Yasha, Jester and Fjord were in a similar spot.  
Clay looks towards the huddled lump at the base of the mast, and says, “I don’t really like cages either.”

  
Yasha turns to look him, so he turns to look at her directly. Their eyes meet.

  
There’s a lot of force to her unblinking stare.  
After awhile she says, “I just don’t like playing with my food,” and turns away.

  
Clay thinks, and nods.

  
“If you feel the call, I’d be happy to take the watch for you,” he says.

  
She looks back at him, with an expression that tells him he needs to provide more detail.

  
“I won’t ask questions, or make a fuss,” Clay says, “and I get that sometimes there’s things that need to be done.” He pauses for a moment.

  
“They’re all very fond of you,” he says, and absently rubs a hand against the waist of his beetle-shelled armor. “Given what happened with those slavers.... I think it might be easier on them, if we could find some middle ground, between your disappearing without a word, and you having to say goodbye while being asked a lot of questions you can’t answer.”

  
Yasha is silent for awhile.

  
“... I might,” she says, and Clay leaves it at that.

  
He walks toward the huddle curled up at the base of the mast.

  
Clay walks around to his front, to be polite. Wouldn’t want to startle their guest.

  
He crouches down in front of him, and eyes the bound and gagged figure.

  
“Hi,” he says.

  
“Mfh,” Marius replies.

  
“I don’t really know enough about this situation to judge, but I think you understand that there’s really nowhere for you to go out here.”

  
Marius nods.

  
“Alright,” Clay says. “What were going to do is take a walk downstairs, get you a meal, and have a quick talk with my companions. Now, they’re a bit tired right now, and not in a good place to make decisions about your immediate future. So, if you could be polite and quiet, and stay in the room we put you, and not push them into making any choices right this moment, I think you might come out of this alright.”

Under Yasha's eye, he undoes the bindings and walks the man down below the deck. 

He really does hope the kids will listen when he suggests a rest this time. 

 


End file.
